If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
