I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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