I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's blow job season.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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