You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
