Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
