I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
