I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just saw a hot homeless man
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
