Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Randomize
