Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
