Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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