i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
