Whod you bang
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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