Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
