i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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