proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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