She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
