I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
