your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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