Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
