that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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