So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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