I only kidnapped one of them. chill
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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