umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
