I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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