We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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