she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
