LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
