hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
