They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
