I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
