I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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