glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
