i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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