Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
