i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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