mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
