Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
God I need to hump something, right now.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
