I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
