We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Drunk is not a location!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
