Jerry, you need to find god
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
