GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Vodka?
Forever.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
