he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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