bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
