Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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