i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
