Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
