I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
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