i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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