so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
