Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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