Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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