I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
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