have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm passing your future prison.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
